Modern dating can often feel like being stuck in a maze with no clear goal, but for any person of profound Christian faith dating can feel especially bewildering. As with many of life’s daily challenges, it is through devotion and trust in God that the path becomes clear, and the goal, a committed marriage, becomes attainable. In Christian dating, new relationships can bring uncomfortable questions about the place of God and faith, questions that are difficult to answer or categorize. The fact is that Christian singles need advice better suited for their unique courtship that acknowledges their commitment driven process. Christian dating, with an end goal of an ordained marriage, requires more than your standard dating advice. Such people of faith will benefit from these heavenly guidelines and Christian rules, derived from Scripture so that they may be used and recognized in their own life. Please reflect on the following 7 Christian dating rules, rooted in faith and focusing on temperance, conscious choice and love.
Christian Singles Rule #1: Instead of perfection, look for growth in your partner’s faith
As the Bible says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). So, the Bible is pretty unequivocal about partnering with those not as devoted to Christ as yourself. But if you are meeting online, on a platform like Christian Mingle or Victorious Christians, how can you effectively judge one’s commitment to faith? “Lawlessness” can be hard to judge from afar and behind a screen. The truth is that even a so-called Christian may not act in a righteous manner in their daily life. Self-identification and regular church attendance are only but a few of the markers of a true Christian. But a Christian single will want to partner with a person with Christ in their heart, and not just their tongue. Even more important to observe in a potential partner is a seriousness of mind when it comes to their relationship with Christ. If there is a willingness to grow this relationship, not alone, but together, you should be encouraged. It is through the growing of your relationship, through the service and love of Christ, that a community and sense of one’s belief can be formed.
Christian Singles Rule #2: In the timing of Christ’s love, speed is relative
In Christian dating, many looking for advice are worried about moving “too fast” in a new relationship. The speed at which a relationship moves will vary depending on your unique situation, but there is no magic amount of time that makes a relationship Christian. What Christ is much more concerned about is the quality with which you know your partner and it is with these criteria that you want to judge your relationship.
Do you want to progress your relationship out of a wholesome desire or is it simple lust? You should judge your and any partners actions against this and access the speed of how things are moving. Are things moving faster than what you know about them and they know about you? That may say a lot. If on the other hand, the speed has led to more knowledge and comfort, not just with yourself, but your partner as well, then it isn’t a rush at all. No one can control how long it takes God to be expressed through one’s character, so take comfort in the fact that the speed of your relationship is largely in Christian hands.
Christian Singles Rule #3: Social media can lead to connections, be careful of which ones
For those that think that Christian dating and social media should never mix as a rule, it may be time to rewrite the rulebook. God works through all medium and social media is not excluded from that. The truth of the matter is that authentic connection is certainly possible through social media. Christian singles use social media in droves, but they are spread out between many different social media platforms. So, while you would think meeting others devoted to Christ should be just as easy as joining any old one, it isn’t quite that simple. You have to be sure to use platforms that utilize superior vetting and matching systems so as to minimize wasted time on spam etc.
Any good Christian dating advice must warn against the pitfalls of dating on social media. Users have the ability to easily bombard others with shallow or vulgar propositions, and then hide behind their presumed identity online. This can lead some to give up on social media as a place to find others seeking love through Christ, however, you shouldn’t fear there are steps you can take to avoid this. Be honest with yourself and others, especially with conversations taking a flirty tone. When online it can be easy to do the minimum, ask others to step up and commit, to avoid low-quality, vapid relationships, and expect the same of yourself. If one is using social media in a method pure of purpose and with the intent of finding a committed relationship, there is nothing to be ashamed of, so be wary of those who are hesitant to commit publicly.
Christian Singles Rule #4: Be open to friendships turning into something more
A favorite piece of Christian dating advice happens to apply to not only Christian singles, but for anyone who is single looking for committed partners regardless of faith. Be open to a friendship developing into more and don’t be surprised if you find love in the oddest of places, for the basis of any whole-hearted relationship is friendship. This is friendship that often comes from the bonds of shared interests and activities, and this doesn’t just have to mean church! Godly men and women are all over the world, so don’t be surprised if you find one you think you may want to pursue sitting next to you in the deer stand or on the court playing basketball. You may not feel an immediate physical spark, that’s okay Christ works in mysterious ways, not every relationship is love at first sight. You may find, however, as you observe their godliness and devotion to faith, that your feelings change, and you should be open to these feelings and developing your relationship more. It is through deeper emotional understanding that the most beautiful relationships may form with God’s help.
Christian Singles Rule #5: Even while dating, a man should set an example
The Bible expects husbands to lead their wives, not simply as an act of faith and nature, but as a practical means and relationship structure. But when a relationship is just beginning, and the two sides are just getting to know one another, how then can a man lead? Well in the dating stage this can be tricky as one must be careful not to usurp God and take a role that was not his, namely husband. It is important that a man not mold a woman into his wife before she is actually made so before the eyes of God. With this in mind, one can think of the man at this stage as leading be example. He can do this by encouraging his partners natural gifts, while showing the woman how he would behave himself.
Christian Singles Rule #6: Purity is important, so is transparency
As far as Christian dating rules, this one should be non-negotiable, purity is the basis of any relationship of love foraged by Christ. Instead of focusing on the possible temptation of exploring a new relationship, we’ll remove it all together by literally taking it out of the room. If you commit to dating in open fellowship, as a part of your community, you won’t feel the sinful pull of seclusion. If you remove the opportunity to sin while getting to know your partner, you can have security of mind in knowing you are on the right path. This is why many Christian singles prefer to date in groups or in public, to lessen the chance something unwanted may occur.
Christian Singles Rule #7: Make a habit of dating for the right reasons
Christian dating often undercounts the motivation of finding a good partner and Christian marriage and the positive effect it can have on a relationship if it is practiced right. There is nothing wrong with dating and behaving in a morally appropriate way in the eyes of God and eventually separating, in fact this may please God, as the Creator has a plan for everyone, and the dissolution of an imperfect relationship is well a part of that. It is in the practice of relationships untethered in love of Christ, done in bad faith, that habits displeasing of God may form. If you take the time to cultivate dating for the right reasons, those ending in a committed marriage, and do not compromise your own values God won’t lead you astray.
It is with these lessons in mind, and your faith in Christ, that we hope you may cultivate a happy relationship and marriage of your own!